little miss one big mess.

So i can't say that I've been able to post very much in the past week, mainly because I haven't had an extra minute to rest...but I can say that the most stressful week of my year... tryouts! are over! Everything went great from the twirling to the amazingly cute outfit my mom made... besides a little last minute unexpected hip pain and an emergency cortizone shot, they're over and now I'm looking forward to getting to twirl my fourth season at UAB.

As excited as I am for getting to continue to twirl in college and even this year, I've started thinking a lot about my future, and more specifically what exactly I'm going to do when I graduate. For the past few weeks I've been battling whether I should graduate next spring or next fall, whether I should twirl an extra semester, even if I should really twirl this year. And on top of graduating, I'm even more apprehensive about the biggest worry of graduating... finding a job. And honestly, I can't even tell you that I'm even near finding any kind of conclusion to these questions. 

Just like every other time I have a break down, I can call my mom and dad... the only people that will listen to me ramble and whine and cry more than any person ever should. And just like every other time I call crying about being frustrated that I don't know what will happen in a week, a month or a year from now they calmly listen to me and then console me by telling me to quit worrying and just trust in God.

Little Miss done on love, 
Little Miss I give up, 
Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry 'bout me anymore

But the best part of the current questioning/breakdown situation... it's not just school right now, but more like every part of life. Whether it's school, family, finances, friends and relationships or just hard decisions in general, life just stinks sometimes. I'm slowly finding out that life really never does slow down, it never gets easier and the only way to get through it is to look for the best of what's around.  

Little Miss checkered dress, 
Little Miss one big mess, 
Little Miss I'll take less when I always knew so much more

I've learned to just keep telling myself that every decision I make is just helping me make it to the next hard decision. Eventually making those hard decisions, learning when to say yes and when to say no, when to cut something off and when to wipe off the tears, pick up my head and keep continuing on, will eventually lead to something rewarding and totally worth all the hard times. It's happened before, so I know it will happen again.

Little Miss do your best, 
Little Miss never rest, 
Little Miss, be my guest, I'll make more anytime it runs out

So when I was writing a paper today, thinking about all the things I normally constantly think about, a song by Sugarland came on my Pandora. After listening to the first few words I started the whole "I don't want to cry right now... but tears are coming... and I'm in public and people will stare... but I don't really care... but really why am I crying right now???" until I realized that every word was exactly my life right now. 

Little Miss you'll go far, 
Little Miss hide your scars, 
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

But the happy thing about this whole realization, is that eventually, and hopefully, everything is going to work out. I'm halfway done with school, I will graduate and one day I will find a job as a journalist. I will be able to twirl again, and even when my days of performing are over I will still be able to teach, not to mention look back on some of the most amazing memories and keep in touch with some of the best twirlers and people in general I've ever met. I've been blessed with an amazing family and friends that are always there for me, and even though some have slipped away over the years I've only met more and more great friends. Life is hard sometimes, but the best way to look at it is to look on the bright side, know what I want and know that God has a plan to make it happen.

Little Miss brand new start, 
Little Miss do your part, 
Little Miss big ole heart beats wide open, she's ready now for love

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, 
Sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win, 
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, 
 I'm okay, 

and it'll be alright again.