so i moved my little blog on over to wordpress.
http://carrieincollege.wordpress.com/
same name. new layout. new features.
go there. check it. enjoy. :)
5.13.2011
5.06.2011
the next chapter.
There's only one word that can sum this week up...
DONE!
You read that right! I'm officially done with school as of 6:45 on Wednesday night and today was my last day at work here in Birmingham. My junior year in college is officially... over.
As strange as it is to be almost done with college and know that in a year (or possibly six more months) i will be completely done with my undergraduate, off my parent's bill and completely on my own... I'm not as much of a worried-freaking out-nervous mess as I normally would be about something like this. At least for now that is.
See for the past few weeks, several people have said small remarks/comments that have been said around /to me not by the person, but by God, whether the person saying it knew it or not. You know those days when everything is falling apart and someone does the smallest favor or tells you that you look nice, and it makes your life? Well it's like that. Most of them have come up in conversation about school and my major, mostly from my mom and dad. But others have been out of the blue, random and from the most unlikely of people.
For example, a little old man I was volunteering with at a feeding center for tornado victims Monday morning began talking about being up at 5:30 in the morning and cooking lunch for tornado victims all for free. After joking about getting a raise, he told me...
"No matter what you do, you'll always work for the best boss,
Make the best salary in the world,
And have the best retirement plan anyone could wish for.
I'm not getting paid money right now, but I couldn't be any happier."
After choking back some tears of his comment and knowing the whole reason I was up that early in the morning, cooking not hundreds or thousand but hundreds of thousand of green beans, I felt more calm than I have in a very long time. Ever since I've truly accepted the whole idea of not worrying about my future and trusting that God has everything in control, life has fallen right into place, maybe not as I thought it would or hoped it would, but all as it needs to. All my exams went well, I was able to spend time with my friends before we all went home for the summer and the best of all... drum roll.....
I got an internship!
I applied with Dothan Magazine back in March and had not heard anything until about a week ago... in the middle of finals. So I waited until my mind was clear to call yesterday and after a short phone interview I was offered the internship... to which I responded absofreakinlutely!! (not really.) But we can imagine. It may not be Southern Living or Glamour or Newsweek, but it's experience and it's at home. Which is a plus, plus. I'm getting to write and learn everything about the magazine, so to sum it up... I'm pumped. Look for your local Dothan Magazine this summer and hopefully I'll have my first published piece in it! (fingers crossed.)
So that's that. School's done. Work at Jack N Jill is done (for now). And my summer is set.
All that's left is packing the small mountain of clothes that have accumulated in my closet into suitcases and heading south.
Next time I write it will definitely be from home, in my bed or the couch and most likely talking to my parents about extremely important matters (a.k.a. my mom's routine reality show round-up/ Days of our Lives) over some sort of delicious food that I haven't had in like a year.
ahhhhh. Get ready Dothan. I. cannot. wait.
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| this would be me. jumping for joy. :) |
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; your body, what you will wear... Your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25, 34
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Phillipians 4:6-9
5.01.2011
i will hold on hope.
Recently I've been feeling extremely anxious. I'm so close to going home, being done with finals and having a whole summer of relaxation, that I've gotten ahead of myself and have been on a "I'll get this done without your help God, thanks though" streak. That is until around 5:45 pm on Wednesday April 27th.
For those of you who aren't from around Alabama who read this, or those of you who for some reason may not know, a huge storm came through northern AL and neighboring states last Wednesday leaving mass destruction, homes and material items destroyed, loved ones missing, a staggering death count and a constantly growing number of missing persons. This storm is reported to be one of the largest natural disasters in the United States in a very long time, possibly since the depression. Several communities were wiped off the map and numerous large cities are completely dilapidated. The pictures that have been taken are the same scene repeated over and over, and seeing them over the past few days has become numbing. But in every picture a family's history, home, finances and memories have been all taken away.
Thankfully, my family lives in the southern corner of Alabama so my parents and the majority of my family were safe from the storms, my brother Chris and I bunkered down underground at the nearby high school and my other brother got stuck working triage at the hospital. However, thousands of other people were not so lucky. Although I have been extremely blessed during this whole ordeal to not have a single friend or family member hurt, no structural damage and being one of the few people in Birmingham that didn't even lose power, it is still hard to understand how something like this could happen.
It's hard to grasp how so many people lost everything they own in a matter of seconds. It's difficult to think about never seeing a family member or friend ever again. Knowing someone you love is now gone forever or worse, could possibly still be missing. Realizing that the tornado that ripped through Tuscaloosa, was headed to Homewood, where I was, but then headed to downtown Birmingham where my friends and school were, missed us all completely and destroyed several towns within 5 minutes away is mind-boggling. It was hard a few years ago to watch a school packed with students and teachers, less than 30 minutes from my house get completely destroyed, but my school was unharmed, I was with my family in our home untouched. It's hard to understand why God lets certain events happen. I'm not questioning God or blaming him. But sometimes it's hard to see the whole picture of his plan when we are only given bite sized pictures of homes destroyed, wood and installation covering roads and buildings people were in demolished to a pile of bricks.
That was what I was thinking until I saw the video below and began reading in my Bible to find comfort. I turned to the middle of my Bible and began reading out of Psalm 39:
For those of you who aren't from around Alabama who read this, or those of you who for some reason may not know, a huge storm came through northern AL and neighboring states last Wednesday leaving mass destruction, homes and material items destroyed, loved ones missing, a staggering death count and a constantly growing number of missing persons. This storm is reported to be one of the largest natural disasters in the United States in a very long time, possibly since the depression. Several communities were wiped off the map and numerous large cities are completely dilapidated. The pictures that have been taken are the same scene repeated over and over, and seeing them over the past few days has become numbing. But in every picture a family's history, home, finances and memories have been all taken away.
Thankfully, my family lives in the southern corner of Alabama so my parents and the majority of my family were safe from the storms, my brother Chris and I bunkered down underground at the nearby high school and my other brother got stuck working triage at the hospital. However, thousands of other people were not so lucky. Although I have been extremely blessed during this whole ordeal to not have a single friend or family member hurt, no structural damage and being one of the few people in Birmingham that didn't even lose power, it is still hard to understand how something like this could happen.
It's hard to grasp how so many people lost everything they own in a matter of seconds. It's difficult to think about never seeing a family member or friend ever again. Knowing someone you love is now gone forever or worse, could possibly still be missing. Realizing that the tornado that ripped through Tuscaloosa, was headed to Homewood, where I was, but then headed to downtown Birmingham where my friends and school were, missed us all completely and destroyed several towns within 5 minutes away is mind-boggling. It was hard a few years ago to watch a school packed with students and teachers, less than 30 minutes from my house get completely destroyed, but my school was unharmed, I was with my family in our home untouched. It's hard to understand why God lets certain events happen. I'm not questioning God or blaming him. But sometimes it's hard to see the whole picture of his plan when we are only given bite sized pictures of homes destroyed, wood and installation covering roads and buildings people were in demolished to a pile of bricks.
That was what I was thinking until I saw the video below and began reading in my Bible to find comfort. I turned to the middle of my Bible and began reading out of Psalm 39:
4 “Show me, LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure.
6 “Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
without knowing whose it will finally be.
7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
That was all I needed. Although it is hard to watch continuing coverage of lives and homes destroyed, we have to hope in God. For those who no longer have anything, hope and faith in God is something no storm or person or any type of destruction can take away.
So as the communities surrounding Birmingham and the rest of the state mourn and recover to eventually rebuild, pray. Pray for what you can donate, whether it is water, food, clothes or time. Pray for healing, pray that the victims can find a way to cope with their unexpected losses, and over all pray that God will be glorified, even in the biggest disaster. Pray that people will be wrapped in love and hope and will learn to live their lives not for possessions or material items, but for God. Just as the storm took away, God will provide.
4.23.2011
how great thou art.
O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze;
And when I think that God his son not sparing,
Sent him to die - I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
"How Great Thou Art" translated by Stuart K. Hines
This, my friends, would be one of my favorite hymns. As a child of a music teacher that grew up in piano lessons and children's choir singing and playing hymns, they will always be my favorite of any kind of music.
As an art major I was taught to train my eye to recognize anything that is pleasing to the eye. I was taught to see shadows, light, shapes and form my own opinion of what was beautiful, inspiring, ugly or just outright amazing. I've been to museums, critiques, exhibitions and I've even had my own work judged. I've seen timeless masterpieces and modern art, sculptures, photographs, paintings, and drawings. I love art. I love everything about it.
But something I love more than art is nature. I love looking out my window and seeing trees and grass and I love hearing birds sing (just not at 2am, which they have been quite diligent about doing lately.) I love riding with the windows down, feeling the air and smelling the grass and honeysuckle. Recently I've enjoyed the beautiful weather and then the rain, wind and even the bad weather. Don't get me wrong, I love pretty weather, but my favorite day of the year is the last cool rainy day. Not the one where the humidity comes right after. The day when everything is still soaked and there's a tiny brisk breeze. And you have to be careful to catch it and realize it, because once it's gone, it's not coming back until fall. That's my favorite day.
The one thing I love most about nature though, is that it's all beautiful. There's no debating it. There's no critiquing it. There's no excuses and there's no reasons why or why not. It's beautiful because God spoke and it came into existence. Every bit of it. The stars and the mighty thunder, the birds and mountains and breeze, it all represents the power of God. It shows his beauty and love. Who else could make a rain cloud appear from a blue sky to create a storm and then follow up with a colorful rainbow? It's all in his handiwork, his majesty, his love for us.
But that's not all that represents his love. His love is represented better with a cross and nails. It's better realized by promises made and promises fulfilled. It's the kind of love that's better seen through a sinless man giving his life for billions of sinful people. It's seen in the faces of the people who found the empty grave. And it's the love that will be in the embrace of the Savior when one day we will fall on our knees and rejoice with him in heaven.
God's love is surrounding us all. It's in the nature. It's even in the talent God gave the artist to make the masterpiece. It's in relationships of families and friends. It's in the miracles of life, the expecting mother's baby, the premature newborn that is now a grown adult, the family persistently waiting for their adopted child. It's in the miracles of medicine. It's in the one's who give second chances. It's in the one's who gave the first chance.
It's in the one who gave his life. It's love.
The nails didn't keep him on the cross, love did.
Happy Easter and much love.
4.21.2011
coming to an end.
Today was officially my last day of my junior year in college.
As happy as I am to be done with classes, except for finals, and be so close to summertime, I'm also a little apprehensive about the future, if you can't tell from my rambling of nervousness and worrying about being so near graduating in such a bad job market. However, this year has been one of the most challenging years I've ever had as far as actually learning how to live on my own, take care of myself and care about my happiness as much as others.
I learned a lot about other people as much as I learned about myself. I've learned that there are people who think about themselves more than other people and consider a friendship as something in which other people can do things for them. And there are other people who are extremely loyal to being true friends, there are people who are there for you no matter what. They are there to help you out and cheer you up when you're having a bad day, and have fun with you when you're having a good day. I've learned to live with these people, look for the best in each of them and how to deal with their tough moments just like they have mine. These people have changed my life and helped me enjoy the best years of my life even more than I have before.
I've also learned more about my relationship with Christ this year. I came to a time in my life where I actually doubted God's plan for my life. I experienced high highs and low lows in my walk with God. I've learned that the only way I will be able to make it through the rest of my life is to rely and trust in what God has planned for me. I have learned that the Gospel of Christ is something that is my responsibility to spread and that sometimes the only way to communicate what God wants me to say to others is just to pray and let him speak through me. I'm learning that I have to stand up for my religion, something that is challenged everyday on UAB's campus. I've learned that my "religion" has become more of a relationship.
So as the end of my second to last year of college comes to an end, i can only say I'm extremely thankful for all the great experiences I've had, both bad and good. As unsure as I am about the future, I do know that I am much closer to knowing what I'm going to do once I graduate. This year has been one of the most fun, stressful and eventful years of my life and I can't wait to see what else God has in store in my future.
So to all the people who have made this year everything it has been, my parents, friends, coaches and teachers... thank you for everything. You are amazing and I love you all. :)
let's live for today.
When I think of all the worries people seem to find
And how they're in a hurry to complicate their mind
By chasing after money and dreams that can't come true
I'm glad that we are different, we've better things to do
May others plan their future, I'm busy lovin' you.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
And don't worry 'bout tomorrow, hey, hey, hey
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Live for today
We were never meant to worry the way that people do
And I don't need to hurry as long as I'm with you
We'll take it nice and easy and use my simple plan
You'll be my lovin' woman, I'll be your lovin' man
We'll take the most from living, have pleasure while we can.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
And don't worry 'bout tomorrow, hey, hey, hey
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Live for today
Hey, hey, hey, Grass Roots, I think I love you.
sleep > wedding.
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So it's wedding season. And if you didn't know or if you live under a rock... there's a big wedding coming up! The Royal Wedding! I was pretty excited about this coming up and my friend Liz and I even discussed putting on a royal wedding viewing party... until we realized that the wedding is 11am uk time which is 4am-ish US time. So congrats Kate and William, but while you get hitched I'm gonna be catchin' some z's.
I did look up some royal wedding ideas before we found out about the time, and honestly it would be super fun and cute. But in the world of a college student during finals... sleep > wedding in another country.
Funny wedding party decor.
This is how HGTV gets their royal wedding on.
There would have to be some royal-ish hats present.
like this one. haha. just kidding!
If you haven't seen that rock. bling!!!
ps. I totally have a minuscule sized ring like this!
So for those of you planning your 4am viewing party! Enjoy! The only way I'll be there with you is if I'm still up cramming. ha. The joys of being in college. woohoo!
Midweek Music Obsession.
So my Pandora's been kicking it old school lately, and I'm kinda diggin' it. :)
"It's time we stop, children, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down"
For What It's Worth... Buffalo Springfield
All You Need Is Love... The Beatles
No Rain... Blind Melon
and as an homage to the WSP concert last week....
Big Wooly Mammoth... Widespread Panic
Enjoy!
an ode to the social network.
I found these on More Design Please. A fabulous little blog with all kinds of art, decor and diy posts. I have a feeling that whoever runs this little blog and myself could be bff's. Mostly because of their love of great design that I also share. I realize I'm an ex-art major that couldn't finish the graphic design program... but who says I still can't love some good design? And anything that mixes vintage design with my favorite secret obsessions? #Winning.
here's to home.
I love Birmingham.
love it.
The past few years of living here and going to school here have been amazing. I've met the most amazing people, learned so much about life, school and other people and myself. I have not once regretted coming to UAB or Birmingham since I moved here 3 years ago.
But right now, Birmingham is not home.
and I need home.
It's beautiful here, and I love going to school here, but I'm overly excited about going home, home for the summer.
I've always told my parents I would never move back home again, not for school, not for summer and not after I graduated for sure. It's become a sort of threat from my parents to bring me home, like taking my keys away was in high school.
"If you mess up your bank account again...." "If you don't go to rehab after your surgery...." "Find a job or....."
And the funny thing is it always worked.
I came home the summer after my freshman year and this was my life.....
That summer consisted of having my identity changed to "Miss Carrie" or "the teacher the you can hug to get more goldfish and peanutty bars", "the all-time pitcher in kickball", even "the worst person in the world" after a 15 minute quiet time due to yelling in the bathrooms. Every afternoon I was showered with hugs and "I love you, see you tommorow's".
But honestly, I was miserable. I got up at 7, went to class went to work at 1 until 6 and went home and went to bed. I had no friends at home since they all stayed at school that summer, and I didn't even have time to see my friends that were at home. I stayed in Birmingham last summer so I could "escape" Dothan, but then I was in Birmingham with no friends and working 9-5 everyday. I do realize this is the normal life for every grown-up, but I've found out I'm not quite ready to go there on my own.
During one of my frustrated calls to my mom earlier this year I broke down and asked if I could come home this summer. I never thought I would ever say those words, and I don't even know if it will be first or last time I do say them. All I know is that right now, this is what I need.
So this summer, I'm taking it back home. It won't be filled with the precious faces above, but I'm determined to make it one filled of happiness, family and several beach trips. Since I moved to Birmingham 3 years ago I've found it's way too easy to concentrate on the negative. This summer I'm determined to work on focusing on the positives of life and learning more about myself and what makes me happy. I need a slow-paced life again. I need home-cooked meals, or at least nightly dinner with my parents. I need more hugs from my dad and seeing my mom's smile on a daily basis. I'm looking forward to the future and honestly, this may be the last time I can spend every night of the summer at home in my bed, living 90 miles from PCB. I've gotten an internship with the local TV station and hopefully I'll be closer to finding out what I really want to do with life.
So here's to home and being happy. See ya soon, Dothan. :)
spreading sunshine.
I found these while I was stumbling one day. Enjoy!
50 ways to spread sunshine.
1. Send a hand-written thank you card to someone.
2. Give a compliment about your waiter/waitress to his or her manager.
3. Hold open a door for someone.
4. Have a conversation with a homeless person.
5. Compliment a co-worker.
6. Pay for the person behind you in the Starbucks drive-thru.
7. Clean out your clothes and donate to a local non-profit.
8. Send flowers to someone anonymously.
9. Leave an encouraging note in a library book.
10. Ask an elderly person about their childhood.
11. Be a courteous driver.
12. Mentor an at-risk child.
13. Mow a neighbor’s lawn.
14. Donate blood.
15. Introduce yourself to a new coworker/classmate/church member.
16. Share inspirational quotes.
17. Write letters of appreciation to organizations that serve your community.
18. Leave happy post-its for strangers to find.
19. Smile.
20. Appreciate the people who support you.
21. Treat everyone the same– from your best friend to your mom to postal worker.
22. Release your expectations of other people. Allow them to be who they are.
23. Be genuine.
24. Forget yourself.
25. Delight in every day.
26. Flatter people.
27. Tell people how much you like them.
28. Share your lunch.
29. Fill a parking meter.
30. Volunteer somewhere. Anywhere.
31. Seek forgiveness.
32. Do your best.
33. Love yourself.
34. Dream big.
35. Tell someone why you love them.
36. Check in on someone who is lonely.
37. Stay curious.
38. Adopt a pet from the humane society.
39. Tell your boss that he/she does a great job.
40. Renew an old friendship.
41. Donate toys/books to a hospital.
42. Give someone a sheet of brightly colored stickers.
43. Make eye contact.
44. Take someone’s picture and send it to them.
45. Don’t think about other people’s definitions of success, beauty or happiness.
46. Create spaces for others to enjoy.
47. Make beautiful art.
48. Send unexpected gifts.
49. Be enthusiastic.
50. Love your life and everyone in it.
patience problems.
So I'm not sure if any of you have ever had this weird thing that happens when everything around you starts revolving around the same subject, but you have no idea until everything comes full circle... and then you there's this big strange, overwhelming epiphany. Well I've had one of those lately.
Life lately has been pretty nice. Besides the pre-Easter rush at work, my life has been pretty as close to perfect as you can get. good grades, kites, beautiful weather, concerts, friends...everything has been lovely. But I've also been secretly worrying myself away on the inside (per-usual nearing-graduation-college student), thinking about internships, jobs, papers, the summer, the fall, spring, next summer, and the year after and after and after, but then there's my future husband?, kids?, my family and their health and my health, keeping jobs and paying for houses and bills and this and that.... you get my point. My brain is a constant worry station. I've gotten pretty good at hiding it on the outside, but in my head those wheels are just spinning away. If I could just see my future... now. Life would be grand.
In Sunday School we started talking about what age we would choose if we could stay that age our entire lives. I picked 19, so I would always be in my freshman year of college. Ohhh... that year was straight-up-paradise. No job. Daily midday naps. Easy classes. New friends. A new city. Free weekends. Tons of Freedom. and money every two weeks from the parents. ahhh. life was good. And if that was possible, boy I would do it in a split second.
But sadly, it's not. I'm dealing with real "grown-up" life. I'm about to jump into the ocean of cut throat employers and selfish co-workers, and the possibility of being an unemployed journalist working at a children's clothing store in Homewood for the rest of my whole entire life. It freaks me out.
Which then translates to my patience-problem. I hate waiting. I hate possibilities. I hate hanging in limbo not knowing if something is 100% for absolutely sure or not. I hate not knowing if I will be able to land a big internship next year or even a job after that. I especially hate not knowing what I'll be doing this time next year, graduated or not.
So when we read James 5 on Sunday morning patience, patience, patience was the word. But not only patience, but steadfast endurance. I find that I connect more with the "endurance" part of patience than I actually do the sitting and waiting part. I've always been taught endurance my whole life, whether it's with twirling, playing soccer, running or putting up with teasing from my two brothers. I can put up with almost anything for a good amount of time. Endurance. I've got it.
Patience. That's another story.
I absolutely cannot stand waiting for anything for a long amount of time. I just can't do it. I find that I get real excited for something, obsess over it for 3 or 4 days and then when I realize it will take some waiting time, I usually drop it and never pick it back up again. This is what I define my patience-problem as. It's probably my biggest pet peeve about myself. And something I wish I could change, but it takes time to change. And then it comes full circle. I love seeing results. Whether it's a finished art project, my tryout routine the day before tryouts, a 15 page paper printed out and ready to turn in. I love seeing concrete products. This may or not be the reason I've never had a plant live longer than 2 weeks.
I realize everything in life takes time. It takes time to find the perfect job, the perfect house in the perfect city. It takes time to find the perfect person to marry and then it takes time to get to know them. Life takes time. I've found it's just that it takes time to get to the place that takes time to get to the next place that takes time. Life never slows down. Life never stops. So then why does it seem like it takes so long to get to a final product? Why does the possibility of graduating next year scare me to death? It will get here eventually. It's just all the little things between April 21, 2011 and May 8, 2012 that could happen that knot my stomach up. If I knew what was coming I could put up a detour route, go around it and save my self all kinds of hurt, heartbreak and failure. If I didn't have to wait, I wouldn't have to wait to find out why I can't figure out what I want to do with my life and my future.
So when I was talking to my dad for my interviewing class the other night, everything he said gave me that little epiphany. Every question I asked revolved back to what else? than patience. What did you learn most in college? - to study. and have patience. What have you learned most from mom? - unconditional love and patience. What has your job taught you? - probably umm patience. What has having kids taught you? - definitely patience. Is your life different than you thought it's be? -Nope. It's everything I wished for. It just took some time and patience to figure it out.
So there's no escaping it. Time goes on. It never stops and life will go on. It just takes patience to get there. Whether I graduate in May or December, twirl next year, apply for an internship in NYC or LA, move away from home or move back to Dothan for a while, it's gonna take time to get there. And it can't happen now. Lord knows I'm not ready for the "real world" yet. I've only got a little over a year until I get there, so I can only tell myself to thank God for the little time I have left in school, learn as much as I can and prepare myself for the next step, whatever it may be. Life will come and changes will come. it takes patience to get there, and maybe I'll learn patience while I'm waiting for everything to pan out.
In the end, I just want to look back at life and be able to say "It's everything I wished for... too." It'll just take some time and patience to figure everything out.
Patience. That's another story.
I absolutely cannot stand waiting for anything for a long amount of time. I just can't do it. I find that I get real excited for something, obsess over it for 3 or 4 days and then when I realize it will take some waiting time, I usually drop it and never pick it back up again. This is what I define my patience-problem as. It's probably my biggest pet peeve about myself. And something I wish I could change, but it takes time to change. And then it comes full circle. I love seeing results. Whether it's a finished art project, my tryout routine the day before tryouts, a 15 page paper printed out and ready to turn in. I love seeing concrete products. This may or not be the reason I've never had a plant live longer than 2 weeks.
I realize everything in life takes time. It takes time to find the perfect job, the perfect house in the perfect city. It takes time to find the perfect person to marry and then it takes time to get to know them. Life takes time. I've found it's just that it takes time to get to the place that takes time to get to the next place that takes time. Life never slows down. Life never stops. So then why does it seem like it takes so long to get to a final product? Why does the possibility of graduating next year scare me to death? It will get here eventually. It's just all the little things between April 21, 2011 and May 8, 2012 that could happen that knot my stomach up. If I knew what was coming I could put up a detour route, go around it and save my self all kinds of hurt, heartbreak and failure. If I didn't have to wait, I wouldn't have to wait to find out why I can't figure out what I want to do with my life and my future.
So when I was talking to my dad for my interviewing class the other night, everything he said gave me that little epiphany. Every question I asked revolved back to what else? than patience. What did you learn most in college? - to study. and have patience. What have you learned most from mom? - unconditional love and patience. What has your job taught you? - probably umm patience. What has having kids taught you? - definitely patience. Is your life different than you thought it's be? -Nope. It's everything I wished for. It just took some time and patience to figure it out.
So there's no escaping it. Time goes on. It never stops and life will go on. It just takes patience to get there. Whether I graduate in May or December, twirl next year, apply for an internship in NYC or LA, move away from home or move back to Dothan for a while, it's gonna take time to get there. And it can't happen now. Lord knows I'm not ready for the "real world" yet. I've only got a little over a year until I get there, so I can only tell myself to thank God for the little time I have left in school, learn as much as I can and prepare myself for the next step, whatever it may be. Life will come and changes will come. it takes patience to get there, and maybe I'll learn patience while I'm waiting for everything to pan out.
In the end, I just want to look back at life and be able to say "It's everything I wished for... too." It'll just take some time and patience to figure everything out.
4.19.2011
life is good.
Here's the long promised pictures that have been coming for a few days of one of the best weekends ever. :)
first up! flying kites. :)
So Friday afternoon my brother called me and told me we had VIP tickets for the Widespread Panic concert that night... for free! I'm not your usual "spread head" as the term goes, but who doesn't love good music, dancing, glow sticks and being in a room with thousands of other incredibly happy people?
No wonder these guys have such a following, the concert was the best therapy session I could imagine.
my best friends.
first, but definitely not last.
Later that night I met my friends at a friend's bowl-dancing birthday party, had girls night on Saturday and then on Sunday went to supper club cookout and buddy's birthday!
(didn't get any pictures of the rest of it... oops!)
Ohhhh. life is so good.
let it be.
cliche, but seriously. these guys got it right.
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
4.17.2011
you are a child of God.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us;
it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~Marianne Williamson
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