a little testimony.

#1! I know I haven't posted in a while. Life has been crazy, overwhelming and totally uninspiring right now. So I've been struggling to get 1. time to write 2. something... anything to write about. Crafty blogs and shopping posts can only go so far, right? 

#2! I actually can't believe people read this thing. What was supposed to be a little school project has turned into something being read all over the world! and I almost have 800 views in a month & 1/2! crazy! So thanks to whoever out there is actually reading! (ps. feel free to leave feedback or give an idea on something to write about.) :)

#3. I'm getting honest with you now. And it's about to get deep. Life has been really hard lately. I know I've mentioned in other posts about being a christian, and sometimes I feel like all I do is complain about how hard my life is... but this is one of those times that I honestly don't know what I would've done without having God to have faith in and rely on. 

But this isn't the first time I've been here, and I know for sure it won't be the last. 

In fact, last year at this same time of the year I went through one of the biggest struggles I had ever been through. I've mentioned the injury I had before and I had planned on blogging about it on the one year of the surgery... but that didn't happen! So here it is! :)

Extremely long story short: 

1. the worst pain ever in my left hip area... equivalent to stubbing your toe 100 times in a row.

2a. my dad, 3 doctors in Dothan, 1 doctor in Nashville, 1 athletic trainer in Nashville and another at UAB, and 2-3 more doctors in Birmingham.

2b. around 8-10 xrays, 6ish mri's, 4-5 injections.

2c. almost 5 different diagnoses

3. One doctor's appointment to get diagnosed... another to schedule surgery.

and to save you the pain and disgust of describing exactly what was wrong...

this happened. 

It's gross. I apologize.

 A sports hernia. 

It's not the same as a real hernia, and you can't feel it, which makes it even harder to diagnose.

But the little circle above was torn... on both sides.

So on March 8 2010, I went in to have surgery and on March 9 2010, I woke up and realized the next few months and weeks were going to take everything I had to survive. The only good thing was that I got to sleep all the time, where ever and as long as I wanted to. 

For almost the next two months I couldn't do some of the things I enjoyed doing most in life. I had a terrible limp when I walked for 6 weeks, I couldn't walk to class, up or down stairs, get in or out of bed without help, carry anything over 5 pounds and I found a new respect for people with true handicaps and a disgust for people who park in handicap spaces without a permit. 

But the day I went to the doctor and got cleared to run, then eventually twirl and finally this February, do anything I wanted, I felt overwhelming joy and excitement. But it wasn't without some more pain that I got back to where I am now, actually doing whatever I want to do. The hours in physical therapy, walking the swimming pool and limping around the track at the rec made me question several times whether this whole procedure was worth it. 

But now being able to go run, twirl, dance, jump up and down, go to my new obsession pure barre, or anything else I want to do without the pain I had before is TOTALLY worth it.

In a kind of way, and I know it's a stretch, but this can help me picture my relationship with Jesus Christ. 

With my injury, I was hurt and had no chance of getting better than a major operation. And with God, I was a sinner. An injured, hopeless sinner. I had no hope at a fulfilling life without giving my life, heart, soul, everything to him. 

I had pain, hard times, times of doubt and days when I would break down and cry because I couldn't do something I wanted to do so bad. With God we experience pain, heartache and loss. But it's all in his plan. God sent his only son to earth to die for us. Sinners. He went through the intense pain of a crucifixion. But did it all for us to eventually trust him to get us through our hard times also. How would we know how awesome God was if we never had struggles to rely on him and trust in him to get us through? The way I see it, this was just one of my struggles God planned in my life to show that I can trust him.

But now! I can do anything I want! I'm free from the pain of the injury and the surgery. With God, we are free from sin, slavery, death or disappointment. I'm no longer a slave of Satan, but I'm a bond servant to Christ. I'm free to live my life with him, for him and dance, twirl, run, do whatever I do by giving him the glory. And it's not just a metaphor or example, my body may have healed the same if I didn't believe in God as it did since I do believe in God. But the days when I couldn't get out of bed, the all-nighter I had to go through 10 days after surgery to finish a project that was assigned when I was recovering, the times I watched other people twirl and run when I knew I couldn't, and even the doubt I had before my surgery when I was wondering I would ever be able to run or twirl the same or even have children one day if I did have the surgery. That's when God came through. That's when I was hurt and depressed and losing hope, when God wrapped his arms around me and let me lean on him. God's unfailing love and faithfulness is what kept me going.

It's as simple as that. God's love for us is so far beyond our understanding and knowledge. As hard as you question and make excuses and theories and explanations, he's still there and he's still loving you. No matter your doubts or struggles or times when you fight and resist, he's still there. No matter how you've sinned or fallen away, he will accept you with loving arms. He will help you through anything whether it's a hard test, surgery, divorce or death. Our times of weakness are the times when he shows his strength. Tell me my Jesus isn't real, and I'll show how you're wrong.

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Love, Carrie. :)

just keep running.

let me just start off by letting you know how amazing the past few days have been. 

absolutely. exactly. perfect. 

Dad was out of town so it was just me and mom the past two days... and we did what we do best. 

Shopping. Eating. Occasional Movie. Repeating.

and the best news is... I still have a day and a few hours here!

and now Dad is home too. so I get to have daddy time tomorrow!

(and I get to wear new shoes to church tomorrow too!)

woohoo!

Today started with waking up, breakfast and revisiting what every Saturday morning the three months before tryouts were like all during high school. A 3& 1/2 hour practice at the gym. Needless to say with already being exhausted, 3 years older and naturally a little stiffer, it was not quite as easy as it was back in the day. Or maybe I'm a little wiser now and decided it would be nice to actually get out of bed in the morning. Whatever the case may be, after practice, lunch and some antiquing with mom, I decided it would be a good time for a run. I honestly have NO idea what I was thinking, and this proves that my thought of being wiser earlier is totally erased now. But anyway, I loaded up my iPod and kicks and hit the road.

So one thing Dothan has a 1-up on Birmingham in is running spots. Friday I ran the 5k trail at Westgate and today I took my normal path through our street and adjoining neighborhoods. When I was in high school I measured out a stretch of a few miles through roads near the house to run... well today I realized my high school self was obviously either way more in shape than I remember or just absolutely nuts. Halfway through the run I realized the whole path was mostly uphill, a little downhill, a tiny flat stretch then straight back uphill and so on so forth. Of course my legs were already feeling like jello after practice, and when I found myself almost 3 miles away from the house running up a hill that had no peak in sight I was pretty sure I would never make it home.

So then I initiated my 3-step "get home fast before you die on the side of burbank dr." emergency plan.

1. turn on fast-paced, loud music.

2. keep moving. 

2a. move your feet.

2b. move your arms.

2c. if necessary, and appropriate or not, play an air instrument to whatever fast-paced, loud music is playing at the time. Today, since my music was mostly the glee soundtrack or the one song i busted out the biebs, it was air-drums, but sometimes you can play an air-piano, air-guitar or you can get creative. (ps. don't mind the people in cars passing and staring... they're not working out. you are. and you do whatever you want to while you're burning those calories!)

3. listen to the little voices telling you to keep going.

Yes. I did just say that.

And Yes. I do listen to the little voices. Don't act like you don't either. And maybe it's not an actual other person's voice, or just my thoughts speaking to me. Weird. I know.

But today when I thought I was going to curl up on the curb and pray my mother would come find me on a road two neighborhoods over I started thinking to myself...why don't you stop? but then I thought... why would you stop? the only reason I am where I am is because I kept going times before. So then I started motivating myself. Yes, I motivate myself, and yes, it is usually out loud. I find myself doing this often whether I'm running, twirling, writing a paper or studying. In the end, I never quit running the whole way home and beat both my records for my mile and my 5k! My close friends know this a very important accomplishment because when I beat my mile at the end of my run I get a little motivational message from Lance Armstrong! I don't really care for him... but he is telling me good job and I just think that's really cool! (ps. this is available via the Nike+ system... totally recommend it if you like to run or are considering starting to train for a run soon. it's awesome.)

So back to the whole motivational thing. I guess it's just second nature to always want to do my best whether it is having a no-drop halftime show, win at ping-pong or board game or beat a record in running. I've been raised to be competitive so I still am and probably always will be, but there's another side to this motivation too. It's not just me and it's not how hard I train, practice or condition myself for the task. It's God. It's the power in his hand and a little push on the back to keep going. He does things we can't even imagine doing ourselves. I will talk about his next week, but two years ago I had a rare injury that should have kept me from being able to do daily basic activities like running or even walking. However before it was ever diagnosed, I made it through an entire 4 months of intense twirling and every performance without missing a beat. In fact most of the time the major pains I would feel would simply disappear when it would come time to perform. This is nothing of my doing, but everything of God's plan.

Growing up around athletics I've seen the power of medical miracles. I've seen the ability of man equipped with the skills and knowledge to repair broken bones, torn muscles and even kill cancer. But it's not just man. It's the simple yet elaborate and so far beyond our own understanding love of God to meet our every need and allow us to live lives of enjoyment through him. So from now on when I twirl I don't just do it because I'm good at it, or it's why I went to college and got scholarship for. I do it because God has allowed me to. God has given me the skills and ability. He has given me the right people at the right time to be able to continue. He has given my parents the funds to pay for lessons, buy uniforms and even pay for my college so I could continue to twirl. I could easily take all the credit for where I've come from and what I'm able to do. But it's so much easier to simply give the glory to God. 

As I continue to train for both majorette tryouts and the future races I'll be in I will never be able to explain how I keep running and practicing when I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I will never be able to understand why my injury happened or how I continued for months after I was in pain. And I don't have to know and I don't have to explain. I can simply say... It's God. 

change.

So the time I've been counting down to for weeks finally came yesterday afternoon.

After taking a test, turning in a huge project, taking my car that blew up Monday night to the shop, going to the doctor to find out why I had been feeling so lousy for weeks, cleaning my car and my room and finally packing my bags...

I'M FINALLY HOME!!!

and it couldn't have come at a better time.

I even got to stop in Troy to see my BFF4L Amy for a little while.

ps. I hope you're reading this like I told you, because here's your shoutout! :)

I really can't remember not being best friends with Amy. Actually I don't remember never not knowing her. You know how people say you have those friends that you can go for years without seeing or talking to but when you do meet again you always pick up right where you left off? Well that's how we are. 

Since we live three hours apart we're lucky if we get to hang out for more than a few hours a semester if that. So that made my day of driving home even sweeter!

But anyway, today I was thinking as I woke up in my OWN bed (yess!) about how coming home has changed over the years since I've been gone. I remember my freshman year I made it the week of majorette camp and almost two weeks of classes before hopping in my Jeep and zipping south down I-65. As one of my friends helped me load my bags in my car on my first trip back home, he told me that coming home may help me feel better and escape the pressure I was feeling with being in a new place, but in the end I would just find out that I'm the one changing. I didn't take it for much at the time, but now that little conversation is proving to be true every time I come home.

Of course I realize this isn't a ground breaking discovery or anything. Everyone knows that time changes everything. It's just so crazy to sit back and think about how my life has played out right in front of me, and I hardly ever notice. In the past two and a half years I've learned more about life, relationships and myself than I ever thought I could, but I never even realized it at the time.

After coming home that weekend my freshman year, I realized that life would never be the same as it was during the 18 years I lived here. All my friends were now off at college making new friends and lives just like I was. My parent's were still here of course, as well as my church and a few familiar faces, but I felt different. I felt at home, because I was at home. But inside, I knew something had changed. Going back to UAB that weekend I realized that I was moving on and growing up and I had to deal with it.

Time was changing and I was changing too.

So driving into Dothan last night I reminded myself of this. Coming home is always a treat, and always will be. I have literally worked myself into being sick and mom is always up for movies, manicures and hopefully this weekend a nice little day trip to PCB to help my vitamin D deficiency I found out about. right? ;) But no matter how much I look forward to coming home, I can't stop life. I can't rewind back to 2008 and try to avoid the obstacles I'm facing.

I learn something everyday about life and how to live it. I've learned about friendships and relationships. I've made some amazing friends and I realize I've lost some others. I'm learning what makes ME happy. I'm learning about my own attitudes and actions and how to control them. I've started looking at real jobs that I would enjoy, and I'm learning how to prepare myself for them. I've learned how to be healthy. This week, I learned once again how far I could push myself physically. I've made goals. I've reached goals.

But most of all, I've learned that God is in control of all the above. I am a witness of having faith in God and trusting in his plan. When I have been completely lost, he guides me home. When I have been sick, he heals me. When I have made mistakes, God forgives me and still loves me.

Times are changing. Home is changing. I am changing.

But God NEVER changes.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

So with that I'll end with a big "Bye Y'all" from Dothan. I've already had my round in the awful traffic, ate at one of my favorite restaurants and decided that while I was in getting my haircut I may or may not have been sitting next to one of those awful "Bama Belle" chicks from that TV show that had it's stint on TLC. But anyway! Now I'm going to eat lunch with mom, run the trail and work on my routine a bit.
It feels so good to be home! ahhhh! :)

the final drive.

One of the things I love most about my family is the passion we have been instilled to have in whatever we do. When my brothers and I were little my parents gave us the opportunity and means to do whatever activities we wanted. And when I say whatever, I mean it. Between the three of us we all participated in basketball, softball, baseball, soccer, swim teams, tennis, boy and girl scouts, my brothers both played football, and I danced, took cheerleading, gymnastics and baton lessons. Not to mention church activities, choir, guitar, drum and piano lessons, middle school bands and choirs and of course the regular expectations of doing our homework and excelling in academics. As we got older, my parents eventually made us pick from what we were good at, but most importantly enjoyed. For me it was at first cheerleading, which I can now look back at and be extremely thankful did not work out, but I finally settled on baton. I didn't make majorette the first time I tried out and my parents told me I could either quit or keep going. I knew that whichever I decided they would support me 100%, but once I made my decision to continue they expected me to give my all, all the time. Long story short, I worked my butt off during high school, made some goals and with the help of my beyond amazing coach and parents, I made majorette in college! woohoo!

As for my brothers, they picked football. This may have had some pull of my dad being an athletic trainer and all three of us growing up on the sideline of Dothan High football games, going into the locker rooms at half-time, and having personal heros in the high school standouts we saw every Friday night. It may have been the fact that they played pick-up in the cul-de-sac we lived on every afternoon after school, or maybe that my brothers are just avid sports fans in general. But nonetheless, they chose football, and from then on football defined our family. Just like my parents told me, they also told my brothers that they were to put everything they had into what they were doing. We were never allowed to do anything halfway. First off, dad would get mad if we got hurt horsing around. And second, they wanted to see us excel, and in turn we were going to do whatever it took to do exactly that.

They both started playing in middle school and continued playing in high school. This also means that from the time my oldest brother Chris, started playing in middle school in 1997 and my second brother Cory, started playing in 2000 my parents and I were then at a football game either Tuesday, Thursday or Friday, sometimes all three, until Cory graduated in 2006. That's 9 years. I kept my parents coming to Friday night games for two more years, but every Saturday morning we would make our way to Birmingham to watch Cory play at Samford. So for the past five years, whether it was traveling to just Birmingham, or Illinois, South Carolina, Louisiana and a several other places, my parents have been there. Now that's 14 years.

My family's whole life has always revolved around football. Before we were born, my mother followed my dad to football games when he was the trainer at Troy. Since my brothers have been playing football, I've seen every game with the exception of a few the past few years when I had games of my own. When my family sits down at dinner we all talk about how the season is going, Dad always asks about the shoulder or ankles or if anything else hurts, and that's just how it goes. From spring training to the last game of the season, it's what we all think about. Whether I was cheering for Chris playing when I was in 7th grade or watching Cory when I was in college, I've always had a #51 or #66 to cheer for. But as with all good things, this too has come to an end.


Cory's senior football banquet was Tuesday night, and it was a day I thought I'd never see. One of the most powerful things about the night was seeing how God was glorified in all of his team mates lives, not only in the wins and success, but also through injury, loss and defeat. I've seen my brother go through a lot of different trials, and I've also seen him prevail by giving God all control.  Proverbs 3: 5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will set your paths straight." Sometimes we don't understand God's plan for our life, but as long as we trust and lean, everything will be fine.


I know God has amazing plans for my brother. Football was just one of the seasons of both his and our family's life. It started when we were little on a high school sideline and ended in Samford's football stadium. I will never forget being able to watch my brother play football in college, and I know he will never forget it either.

Thanks for the memories, Cory. :) I love you.